And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
