I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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