Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
did i walk over a car last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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