check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We have so much sex to catch up on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
