I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
