I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
