So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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