Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
