I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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