If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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