I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
