I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
