is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had sex on a roof
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
