she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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