He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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