where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
