i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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