When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
