the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize