the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize