Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
