Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
