Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
