its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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