Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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