There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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