hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
