Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she looked like the before picture.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
