yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
