i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
