And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need water and some morals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
