he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
