i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
