just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize