I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
