Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
