I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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