Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
