How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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