Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
