If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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