We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
