Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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