hell yes lets make some ravioli
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
