I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
