Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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