My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
