I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
