At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
