I think my vagina is haunted
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
