I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
