Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
