awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
