I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
