better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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