you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
