I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
