She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
