if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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