Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
