i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
