i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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