before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
