Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?

(760): View more from California

oh geez, wrong person.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

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(305): View more from Florida

What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.

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(214): View more from Texas

they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?

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