your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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