All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
