Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
