ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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