Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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