You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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