So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
