All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
