i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
