In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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