I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize