The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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