just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
