honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
