I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
