Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
