ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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