I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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