I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
