There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
