Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
