you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
