bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
